I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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