I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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