We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
