drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
