I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
