Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
