yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
