the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm both gender and math confused
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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