batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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