Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
