he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am naked and annoyed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
