Non-Jews are for practice
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
