shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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