shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Two words: blizzard sex
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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