So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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