She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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