Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
