wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
