One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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