Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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