i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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