I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
