I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
