You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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