you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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