Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
