sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
