Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
