You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
