Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize