Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
