Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
