What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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