When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Too much gin, very little bucket
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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