Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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