I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
