When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
