She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
