No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
