My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
