1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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