I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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