i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
