she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
