i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
