Sponge bath it is.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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