A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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