Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize