You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
