Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
