Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
