***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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