That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
