i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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