Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
