She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
