i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
