The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
