So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
