You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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