Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
