I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
