dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
