i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
