hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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