He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize