he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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