I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
